resolutions?i think not..
ahhh.. i've been inspired.. i know.. it's late.. it's already 4.10am. but i'm still not asleep. it's ok. i'll TRY and wake up at 12.. well well.. anyway.. surfing thru everyone's blogs and journals.. most have their resolutions for the year posted up.. reading their resolutions have reminded me of this one time in school. i do believe it was maybe in my fifth form( it should be.. don't tell me my memory's failing me already?!).. and it was one of the first few days back in school after new year's. yep.. anyway. we were in english class and in comes the teacher who goes.. "ok class.. i want you to write about your new year's resolutions."..
me.. per usual.. being the aimless person that i am.. had none. for i had not bothered to come up with any.. (not that i've even made any this year.. or am i intending to..) but anyway.. i raised my hand and went.. "teacher.. what if i don't have any resolutions?!".. well well.. i got this look of shock.. or maybe mock shock.. i dunno. it's a blur to me.. hey.. 2 years ago ledi you know!! but yeah.. and the teacher goes.."no new year's resolutions?!" "NO!! everyone SHOULD have new year's resolutions!".. duh.. ok.. so.. i had to come up with my new year's resolutions... so, as usual. i tried to be cheeky and probably unconsciously try to annoy my teacher.. i came up with this whole long list of 'resolutions'.. dumb ones ok. like lose weight.. or maybe exercise. or something real dumb kay.. i think i actually got up to 30.. but i'm not too sure. mebe i could go dig around for my old exercise books. never know. i might actually find it. but yeah.. it kinda got me thinking.. is it wrong to not have resolutions? is that a sign to say that i'm one that does not aim to improve oneself? or one that does not aspire to achieve in life? i don't know.
maybe i am.. (oh no.. reflective mood again..) but yes... i admit it. i don't have many dreams. my dreams of the future only consists of me being in a situation where i'm satisfied with life. maybe a professional job, with a good comfy life. i don't have to be rich at all.. the thing is.. at this very moment in time..i seem to be hanging in mid-air.. suspended in air. i have no dreams of what i may be.. what career that i would be immersing myself in. i have no idea what my likes/dislikes are. i am merely like a blind person walking about in this thing called 'life'. ok.. so it doesn't help that i don't even know where to start looking for help. believe me.. i have looked up propectus and talked to counsellors. like that was a big help. i believe that they are oni good for ppl who have a rough idea of where they're headed to. for ppl like me? who are totally lost.. it's not gonna be of much help kay. which kinda reminds me. i signed up for this counselling thing for ppl who are unsure of what they wanna do in uni.. i.e me!!.. and well, supposedly the counsellor was to remind us again of it. and yes.. i did take note of it. and yes.. i did try to remember about it. but.. when i signed up.. it was a few weeks b4 the thing. and after the rush of exams.. and a few days hols.. i don't think that you'll actually remember about it would you?? well, hooray.. i oni remembered about the thing like.. the day after the thing! ironic isn't it? how you always remember about it. but RIGHT after the thing? sheesh.. i was pretty annoyed.
oooo.. and guess why i was annoyed? according to the counsellor.. she said that she sent out reminders.. ok.. fine. so mebe it was lost in transition. so, the next day.. i had nothing better to do.. so i just casually asked my class teacher.. "miss.. did i get a note from the careers dept.?" .. and her reply? nope.. none at all.. well, there was one for this other girl in my class.. and i know that she signed up for that counselling thing.. that means.. i do believe that the stooopid counsellor forgot to put my name down. arse.. so yay.. now.. i'm still lost. and still don't know what to do..and counsellors just aren't helping. why in the world do i even bother? i know.. i should be browsing thru uni websites at this very moment. fretting about what the hell i should do next year in uni. but i'm not. and i don't think i will be. scary isn't it? me.. knowing so well that i need help. but not seeking it. but frankly. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of going to stupid education fairs(that don't help.not unless you wanna know what uni offers what.. not the kind of help i need...), visiting career counsellors, visiting uni websites(which i started doing at the age of 16), visiting career help websites.. taking stupid aptitude tests that i frankly don't know how to answer sometimes. how in the world am i suppose to trust those tests when i can't myself trust whether i'm answering truthfully or not?? freak.. i get tests telling me i'm better in the hospitality industry when i'm not even interested in getting stuck in that! i answer things truthfully.. and careers that don't require any further education are top on my list!
ok.. admittedly.. i did put things such as.. "not SO interested in studying".. well, they ask the q.. and i answer it truthfully. i am lazy.. and at that point. i was feeling sick of studying. but not until i'm not going to further my studies in uni rite? of course i am goin to.. but then.. one li'l thing like that makes the whole test go haywire.. how do i trust it then.. do i lie and put.. "yes.. i like to study!" when i'm sick of it.. i was just being truthful. (i'm not makin sense am i?)
sorry. it's just hard to explain what i mean. but tell me.. who doesn't sometimes get sick of studying(esp. during exams?). ah.. bah.. i don't know. i think i've pretty much made up my mind.. this year.i'm just gonna take some general papers that are the pre-requisites for a few courses. hopefully. after doing this.. i will be able to explore what i like better. or mebe i mite actually just find out my likes. who knows? mebe being in uni would be different from school in the sense that it'll be easier to assess my likes/dislikes.'tis all well.. for another year. i keep telling myself this.."i'll make up my mind by the end of this year".. yet another year has gone.. and still.. have i made up my mind? yah.. rite..
ps: new year's resolutions? oh.. i dunno.. i might make some along the way.. who knows.. one that would probably be on everyone's list.. is "to be a better person than i already am.."
me.. per usual.. being the aimless person that i am.. had none. for i had not bothered to come up with any.. (not that i've even made any this year.. or am i intending to..) but anyway.. i raised my hand and went.. "teacher.. what if i don't have any resolutions?!".. well well.. i got this look of shock.. or maybe mock shock.. i dunno. it's a blur to me.. hey.. 2 years ago ledi you know!! but yeah.. and the teacher goes.."no new year's resolutions?!" "NO!! everyone SHOULD have new year's resolutions!".. duh.. ok.. so.. i had to come up with my new year's resolutions... so, as usual. i tried to be cheeky and probably unconsciously try to annoy my teacher.. i came up with this whole long list of 'resolutions'.. dumb ones ok. like lose weight.. or maybe exercise. or something real dumb kay.. i think i actually got up to 30.. but i'm not too sure. mebe i could go dig around for my old exercise books. never know. i might actually find it. but yeah.. it kinda got me thinking.. is it wrong to not have resolutions? is that a sign to say that i'm one that does not aim to improve oneself? or one that does not aspire to achieve in life? i don't know.
maybe i am.. (oh no.. reflective mood again..) but yes... i admit it. i don't have many dreams. my dreams of the future only consists of me being in a situation where i'm satisfied with life. maybe a professional job, with a good comfy life. i don't have to be rich at all.. the thing is.. at this very moment in time..i seem to be hanging in mid-air.. suspended in air. i have no dreams of what i may be.. what career that i would be immersing myself in. i have no idea what my likes/dislikes are. i am merely like a blind person walking about in this thing called 'life'. ok.. so it doesn't help that i don't even know where to start looking for help. believe me.. i have looked up propectus and talked to counsellors. like that was a big help. i believe that they are oni good for ppl who have a rough idea of where they're headed to. for ppl like me? who are totally lost.. it's not gonna be of much help kay. which kinda reminds me. i signed up for this counselling thing for ppl who are unsure of what they wanna do in uni.. i.e me!!.. and well, supposedly the counsellor was to remind us again of it. and yes.. i did take note of it. and yes.. i did try to remember about it. but.. when i signed up.. it was a few weeks b4 the thing. and after the rush of exams.. and a few days hols.. i don't think that you'll actually remember about it would you?? well, hooray.. i oni remembered about the thing like.. the day after the thing! ironic isn't it? how you always remember about it. but RIGHT after the thing? sheesh.. i was pretty annoyed.
oooo.. and guess why i was annoyed? according to the counsellor.. she said that she sent out reminders.. ok.. fine. so mebe it was lost in transition. so, the next day.. i had nothing better to do.. so i just casually asked my class teacher.. "miss.. did i get a note from the careers dept.?" .. and her reply? nope.. none at all.. well, there was one for this other girl in my class.. and i know that she signed up for that counselling thing.. that means.. i do believe that the stooopid counsellor forgot to put my name down. arse.. so yay.. now.. i'm still lost. and still don't know what to do..and counsellors just aren't helping. why in the world do i even bother? i know.. i should be browsing thru uni websites at this very moment. fretting about what the hell i should do next year in uni. but i'm not. and i don't think i will be. scary isn't it? me.. knowing so well that i need help. but not seeking it. but frankly. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of going to stupid education fairs(that don't help.not unless you wanna know what uni offers what.. not the kind of help i need...), visiting career counsellors, visiting uni websites(which i started doing at the age of 16), visiting career help websites.. taking stupid aptitude tests that i frankly don't know how to answer sometimes. how in the world am i suppose to trust those tests when i can't myself trust whether i'm answering truthfully or not?? freak.. i get tests telling me i'm better in the hospitality industry when i'm not even interested in getting stuck in that! i answer things truthfully.. and careers that don't require any further education are top on my list!
ok.. admittedly.. i did put things such as.. "not SO interested in studying".. well, they ask the q.. and i answer it truthfully. i am lazy.. and at that point. i was feeling sick of studying. but not until i'm not going to further my studies in uni rite? of course i am goin to.. but then.. one li'l thing like that makes the whole test go haywire.. how do i trust it then.. do i lie and put.. "yes.. i like to study!" when i'm sick of it.. i was just being truthful. (i'm not makin sense am i?)
sorry. it's just hard to explain what i mean. but tell me.. who doesn't sometimes get sick of studying(esp. during exams?). ah.. bah.. i don't know. i think i've pretty much made up my mind.. this year.i'm just gonna take some general papers that are the pre-requisites for a few courses. hopefully. after doing this.. i will be able to explore what i like better. or mebe i mite actually just find out my likes. who knows? mebe being in uni would be different from school in the sense that it'll be easier to assess my likes/dislikes.'tis all well.. for another year. i keep telling myself this.."i'll make up my mind by the end of this year".. yet another year has gone.. and still.. have i made up my mind? yah.. rite..
ps: new year's resolutions? oh.. i dunno.. i might make some along the way.. who knows.. one that would probably be on everyone's list.. is "to be a better person than i already am.."
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