Reflection.. I think I'm over it.
"Last week of 2009..time to look back and reflect and make some New Year resolutions for 2010" - Facebook wall post by a friend.
Indeed, the year 2009 is coming to a close. An end of a decade. I think we've pretty much sussed out that 2010 is the beginning of a new decade perhaps? Well, one could argue otherwise. Still, it's either been a decade or is almost a decade since the 'new millenium' began.
10 years ago, I was 14 going on 15.
14, still young and what not. Naive, had my whole youth ahead of me.. had the remainder of my high school and my 'wild' university years to look forward to.
10 years on.. I'm 24 going on 25, a quarter century....
Shite.
Lately, I've just been feeling really jaded. It's a common theme of my life, feeling lost.
Though, I just get this overwhelming feeling of having missed out on a lot of things. I don't know what I have achieved and I just feel like I could have done heaps more than I have.
Being 25, I know I still have a whole lot more to look forward to, but I can't help but feel that I have missed opportunities to do certain things as well!
With my cautious passive nature, I can't help but feel there's just much that I have missed over my years in uni. Having been brought up with the Asian culture, one's usually taught to be more passive and well, more 'hak hei'(can't think of the English term.. but I guess something like shy..). I still am like that. I always thought I wasn't that bad.. but I'm still not that great either.
Sigh.. I guess there's nothing for me to do other than to look forward and move on... to seize whatever opportunities that come my way from now on. Just that.. I should have taken the opportunity to be so carefree when I had the chance to.
What have I done in my life that I can be proud of ? I honestly am not too sure..
Well, I feeling a bit traitorous at the moment. An opportunity arises.. but which road? Which road indeed... and that, is the ever present question.
I feel like I am constantly having morbid thoughts.. not healthy at all. Constantly in fear of the future. Especially when I'm on my own with my own thoughts. It frightens me so much :(.
Oh well, to end this post.. this is 2009, as I remember it......
Started the year with, hmm.. not sure how I felt.. Was 3 months into my first proper job.. in a cooking hot office. Ugh.. I hated that office in summer. The air-conditioning was crap. Was really unsure of where I'd head.. honestly, very unsure.. And sure enough.. things start deteriorating.
I think 2009 to me, was all about my job situation. That was probably the biggest concern or rather, issue that created a lasting presence in my mind for 2009.
Come closer to the middle of the year, things started becoming apparent that our jobs were seriously on the line. I still was confident with the fact that nothing was going to change, but, I was wrong.
June arrives and I know for sure my job's gone.
Ah, I take it with a pinch of salt. Sure, it was upsetting and what not.. but well, it's life. I was counting my blessings that I still had my parents (it's embarrassing to say this, but true..) who wouldn't let me starve and I had no mortgage or anything like that. I still had quite a carefree life.
I apply for jobs.. and lo and behold.. I land one! Much faster and rather unexpectedly as well! Things happened so quickly and before I knew it, it was my 2nd day on the job and I was on my first flight to Wellington as part of my first work related travel!
Things progress.. and 5 months down, the novelty of a new exciting job has worn off. It is, as I always tell people, the same job, and I'm starting to lose my fizz for it. That's why I think passion is so important. Now, it's back to pondering on what is my calling, whether I'm just going through a speed bump or does my true calling lie elsewhere?
Other notable notes:
- Having a number of friends who have confirmed their engagements and telling me to book out dates for their weddings! Gosh.. I foresee being quite broke! Also attended at least 4 weddings? More to come next year!
- Traipsed around Brisbane and Gold Coast.
But, I have to say.. that this is all a blur to me. Probably because half the time I wasn't feeling well and it was all just a blur to me! It was definitely a trip which I should have done in a more relaxed fashion. I really think that being stressed out and running around before a trip and having to think about what you have to do after coming back from a trip affects it... well, I am coming to realise that now.. Having to jam pack so much in such a short time was definitely stressful and something I do not enjoy at all! Not that I did not enjoy the trip, but the mental state of being tired, strung up and just being sick was not pleasing at all. I definitely couldn't enjoy my trip as much as I could.
- Visited parts of Gunung Mulu National Park .
It was something I had never experienced before.. and I am glad I did it.. Sitting in a longboat, well, that was definitely an experience. Although apprehensive at first, I definitely came to enjoy it after I realised that I wasn't going to easily fall into the river. Haha.
Though, I have to say this trip was vastly different from my Brisbane/Gold Coast trip. By the time I'd gone on this trip, I'd already been in Malaysia for a bit.. and being isolated like that.. you really had not much to do but to visit caves and just relax!! It was definitely what I like out of a holiday! :D
- Come to think of it, I think I've done quite a bit now that I look through my photos for the year.. Much more indeed.. Perhaps if I doubt that I have not achieved much for the year, I should reflect upon the many photos I have taken over the past year. :)
New work cars(yes plural!!), many gluttonous eating sessions, happy moments.. low moments, confused emotions.. well, just life in general!
My resolution for the future!
To make sure I do something NEW that I have not done before every year!
That's for certain.
Indeed, the year 2009 is coming to a close. An end of a decade. I think we've pretty much sussed out that 2010 is the beginning of a new decade perhaps? Well, one could argue otherwise. Still, it's either been a decade or is almost a decade since the 'new millenium' began.
10 years ago, I was 14 going on 15.
14, still young and what not. Naive, had my whole youth ahead of me.. had the remainder of my high school and my 'wild' university years to look forward to.
10 years on.. I'm 24 going on 25, a quarter century....
Shite.
Lately, I've just been feeling really jaded. It's a common theme of my life, feeling lost.
Though, I just get this overwhelming feeling of having missed out on a lot of things. I don't know what I have achieved and I just feel like I could have done heaps more than I have.
Being 25, I know I still have a whole lot more to look forward to, but I can't help but feel that I have missed opportunities to do certain things as well!
With my cautious passive nature, I can't help but feel there's just much that I have missed over my years in uni. Having been brought up with the Asian culture, one's usually taught to be more passive and well, more 'hak hei'(can't think of the English term.. but I guess something like shy..). I still am like that. I always thought I wasn't that bad.. but I'm still not that great either.
Sigh.. I guess there's nothing for me to do other than to look forward and move on... to seize whatever opportunities that come my way from now on. Just that.. I should have taken the opportunity to be so carefree when I had the chance to.
What have I done in my life that I can be proud of ? I honestly am not too sure..
Well, I feeling a bit traitorous at the moment. An opportunity arises.. but which road? Which road indeed... and that, is the ever present question.
I feel like I am constantly having morbid thoughts.. not healthy at all. Constantly in fear of the future. Especially when I'm on my own with my own thoughts. It frightens me so much :(.
Oh well, to end this post.. this is 2009, as I remember it......
~~@~~
Started the year with, hmm.. not sure how I felt.. Was 3 months into my first proper job.. in a cooking hot office. Ugh.. I hated that office in summer. The air-conditioning was crap. Was really unsure of where I'd head.. honestly, very unsure.. And sure enough.. things start deteriorating.
I think 2009 to me, was all about my job situation. That was probably the biggest concern or rather, issue that created a lasting presence in my mind for 2009.
Come closer to the middle of the year, things started becoming apparent that our jobs were seriously on the line. I still was confident with the fact that nothing was going to change, but, I was wrong.
June arrives and I know for sure my job's gone.
Ah, I take it with a pinch of salt. Sure, it was upsetting and what not.. but well, it's life. I was counting my blessings that I still had my parents (it's embarrassing to say this, but true..) who wouldn't let me starve and I had no mortgage or anything like that. I still had quite a carefree life.
I apply for jobs.. and lo and behold.. I land one! Much faster and rather unexpectedly as well! Things happened so quickly and before I knew it, it was my 2nd day on the job and I was on my first flight to Wellington as part of my first work related travel!
Things progress.. and 5 months down, the novelty of a new exciting job has worn off. It is, as I always tell people, the same job, and I'm starting to lose my fizz for it. That's why I think passion is so important. Now, it's back to pondering on what is my calling, whether I'm just going through a speed bump or does my true calling lie elsewhere?
Other notable notes:
- Having a number of friends who have confirmed their engagements and telling me to book out dates for their weddings! Gosh.. I foresee being quite broke! Also attended at least 4 weddings? More to come next year!
- Traipsed around Brisbane and Gold Coast.
But, I have to say.. that this is all a blur to me. Probably because half the time I wasn't feeling well and it was all just a blur to me! It was definitely a trip which I should have done in a more relaxed fashion. I really think that being stressed out and running around before a trip and having to think about what you have to do after coming back from a trip affects it... well, I am coming to realise that now.. Having to jam pack so much in such a short time was definitely stressful and something I do not enjoy at all! Not that I did not enjoy the trip, but the mental state of being tired, strung up and just being sick was not pleasing at all. I definitely couldn't enjoy my trip as much as I could.
- Visited parts of Gunung Mulu National Park .
It was something I had never experienced before.. and I am glad I did it.. Sitting in a longboat, well, that was definitely an experience. Although apprehensive at first, I definitely came to enjoy it after I realised that I wasn't going to easily fall into the river. Haha.
Though, I have to say this trip was vastly different from my Brisbane/Gold Coast trip. By the time I'd gone on this trip, I'd already been in Malaysia for a bit.. and being isolated like that.. you really had not much to do but to visit caves and just relax!! It was definitely what I like out of a holiday! :D
- Come to think of it, I think I've done quite a bit now that I look through my photos for the year.. Much more indeed.. Perhaps if I doubt that I have not achieved much for the year, I should reflect upon the many photos I have taken over the past year. :)
New work cars(yes plural!!), many gluttonous eating sessions, happy moments.. low moments, confused emotions.. well, just life in general!
My resolution for the future!
To make sure I do something NEW that I have not done before every year!
That's for certain.
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