You know how when you just stare at the computer not knowing what to do?
You feel like your head's about to float off somewhere and well, you're already halfway there? Maybe not.
Maybe it's back to being depressed or whatever it is. I feel empty. Just feel like crying. I don't want to move or think. I think too much anyway that I inevitably end up ruining whatever that is good.
I know, I shouldn't stress. I try damn bloody hard not to. Heck, wth.. I don't need to be told abt the merits of NOT stressing. Fu*k ppl, I know. The increased stress and its detriments to my health, my mental health and whatever. I know that it makes a worse person out of me. But damn it. If I'm stressing now, and I'm only in uni and what more later in life? Sheesh. I know.
So, yeah, i feel all loser-ish because I feel so useless not being able to make any decisions in my life or deal with the stress. I feel hopeless because I feel like I am unable to be independent and not have to lean on people for help. I don't know how to do that. Okay, i am trying to learn. So, I do things in order to help myself learn. or I don't.. I don't know-.-" Maybe I'm telling myself that I am yet I'm still relying on others.
Then there's the constant problem of thinking too much. I can't stop it. how the heck do you stop yourself from thinking too much! Okay, fine think about other things. Ignore those thoughts.. blablabla.. Omgoodness..
So, I took a day off from going into uni. I have loads to do but I feel so damned lost that heck, what the effing heck am I supposed to do! I have decisions to make. So, why can't I bloody make the decision? Very simple. Fact of the matter is, I am simply not independent and decisive enough to make decisions. I am a lousy decision maker who is too fickle and indecisive. I require the opinion of others or I need validation for matters before I dare to make a choice. Simply because I see no point in making a decision and regretting it later. There are things to do, and what not but there is just simply not enough backing evidence for a particular item to make it the obvious choice.
I just want to have a break and come back filled with ZING to get on with whatever I need to do. This year just didn't start off with that zing and I have just fizzled and banged way before I usually do. Grr..
Whatever. .. as usual. the best cure. LAUGHTER! Hehhee.. Once again, a friend has managed to help me laugh.. hey, and laughing really helps ^^.
I still don't know why. I just don't feel like talking to my sisters anymore. Whenever I hear the door lock click to announce their arrival home, I cringe... and I start to retreat into this shell.. Don't know why. sigh.
bleh.. that's all.
You feel like your head's about to float off somewhere and well, you're already halfway there? Maybe not.
Maybe it's back to being depressed or whatever it is. I feel empty. Just feel like crying. I don't want to move or think. I think too much anyway that I inevitably end up ruining whatever that is good.
I know, I shouldn't stress. I try damn bloody hard not to. Heck, wth.. I don't need to be told abt the merits of NOT stressing. Fu*k ppl, I know. The increased stress and its detriments to my health, my mental health and whatever. I know that it makes a worse person out of me. But damn it. If I'm stressing now, and I'm only in uni and what more later in life? Sheesh. I know.
So, yeah, i feel all loser-ish because I feel so useless not being able to make any decisions in my life or deal with the stress. I feel hopeless because I feel like I am unable to be independent and not have to lean on people for help. I don't know how to do that. Okay, i am trying to learn. So, I do things in order to help myself learn. or I don't.. I don't know-.-" Maybe I'm telling myself that I am yet I'm still relying on others.
Then there's the constant problem of thinking too much. I can't stop it. how the heck do you stop yourself from thinking too much! Okay, fine think about other things. Ignore those thoughts.. blablabla.. Omgoodness..
So, I took a day off from going into uni. I have loads to do but I feel so damned lost that heck, what the effing heck am I supposed to do! I have decisions to make. So, why can't I bloody make the decision? Very simple. Fact of the matter is, I am simply not independent and decisive enough to make decisions. I am a lousy decision maker who is too fickle and indecisive. I require the opinion of others or I need validation for matters before I dare to make a choice. Simply because I see no point in making a decision and regretting it later. There are things to do, and what not but there is just simply not enough backing evidence for a particular item to make it the obvious choice.
I just want to have a break and come back filled with ZING to get on with whatever I need to do. This year just didn't start off with that zing and I have just fizzled and banged way before I usually do. Grr..
Whatever. .. as usual. the best cure. LAUGHTER! Hehhee.. Once again, a friend has managed to help me laugh.. hey, and laughing really helps ^^.
I still don't know why. I just don't feel like talking to my sisters anymore. Whenever I hear the door lock click to announce their arrival home, I cringe... and I start to retreat into this shell.. Don't know why. sigh.
bleh.. that's all.
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