A little tired of being responsible...
I think all my life I've always been the 'responsible one'. Admittedly, it is in my nature and I have this innate habit of being bossy and 'responsible'. I worry and fret over people and I hardly ever sit down if I'm having a party.. It annoys me to no end for people to tell me to 'put things down' and come sit with them.. cause I can't stand leaving things just lying there..
I just want to drop everything and I am very much looking forward to just being a bum. I have planned that I will finally use that voucher that was given to me for a massage at the spa located in SKYCITY Grand on a weekday just cause I can. I was also looking forward to baking heaps, experimenting and all.. Also was really thinking of having a full roast mid-winter Christmas meal! (The 6 month mark to Christmas was just last Thursday!) Complete with Christmas carols and all.. Again, just for no reason..cause I just felt like it :P. I had all these plans and had accepted what was to be.. and was looking forward to my break...
But something then turned up on Friday. Left me in a flutter and had to make a decision almost on the spot.
Now, there is a chance for my contract to be extended for a further 3 months. There will be a selection process as at least one of my colleagues has also expressed interest in the position. It has also been understood that we are free to leave, with the required notice period, should we find a more permanent position. Pretty much, this is a filler while I take the time to look for another position.
Every logical and responsible indication points at the action of taking this opportunity. It makes sense and I guess that's why I hesitated in saying, "No, thank you". However, my heart's just not in it. I had already made up my mind that I didn't want it.. but I just shouldn't say, "no" just cause I don't like the job. That's the responsible me kicking in.. The more carefree me is screaming to just let it be and to be a bum... :( My other excuse is that, while I do have a job, I am very complacent.. I do not work as hard to look for another job. THat, I know, is no excuse at all.. I should just push myself and all.. but meh.. :P
So, really, it's just a decision of two, to be irresponsible or just be responsible.. Bleh.. What the heart wants, may not necessarily be good.. What the head wants, well, isn't necessarily where you need to be either. Bugger.. I don't know which to take.. Though, I suppose in the end, with all the 'input' from my colleagues and my sisters (eh hem.. hint, responsible), I will somewhat end up taking up the 'responsible' role... as usual.
I think all my life I've always been the 'responsible one'. Admittedly, it is in my nature and I have this innate habit of being bossy and 'responsible'. I worry and fret over people and I hardly ever sit down if I'm having a party.. It annoys me to no end for people to tell me to 'put things down' and come sit with them.. cause I can't stand leaving things just lying there..
I just want to drop everything and I am very much looking forward to just being a bum. I have planned that I will finally use that voucher that was given to me for a massage at the spa located in SKYCITY Grand on a weekday just cause I can. I was also looking forward to baking heaps, experimenting and all.. Also was really thinking of having a full roast mid-winter Christmas meal! (The 6 month mark to Christmas was just last Thursday!) Complete with Christmas carols and all.. Again, just for no reason..cause I just felt like it :P. I had all these plans and had accepted what was to be.. and was looking forward to my break...
But something then turned up on Friday. Left me in a flutter and had to make a decision almost on the spot.
Now, there is a chance for my contract to be extended for a further 3 months. There will be a selection process as at least one of my colleagues has also expressed interest in the position. It has also been understood that we are free to leave, with the required notice period, should we find a more permanent position. Pretty much, this is a filler while I take the time to look for another position.
Every logical and responsible indication points at the action of taking this opportunity. It makes sense and I guess that's why I hesitated in saying, "No, thank you". However, my heart's just not in it. I had already made up my mind that I didn't want it.. but I just shouldn't say, "no" just cause I don't like the job. That's the responsible me kicking in.. The more carefree me is screaming to just let it be and to be a bum... :( My other excuse is that, while I do have a job, I am very complacent.. I do not work as hard to look for another job. THat, I know, is no excuse at all.. I should just push myself and all.. but meh.. :P
So, really, it's just a decision of two, to be irresponsible or just be responsible.. Bleh.. What the heart wants, may not necessarily be good.. What the head wants, well, isn't necessarily where you need to be either. Bugger.. I don't know which to take.. Though, I suppose in the end, with all the 'input' from my colleagues and my sisters (eh hem.. hint, responsible), I will somewhat end up taking up the 'responsible' role... as usual.
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