I can't just do one thing at a time, can I?
I had an open talk with a friend, or rather, a friend opened up to me to talk to me about something that I was doing that was annoying her. I am not upset that she took the opportunity to open up to me, more than that, I'm actually glad that she did. I do like it when people are honest with me about things that I may be doing that may leave them feeling that under-appreciated, for lack of a better word or words that just simply elude me. Basically, I think it as failing them as a friend in some way or another. The same holds for any other relationship or situation that I am in. It was kind of her to hold back for she feared that I would obsess about this thing. Lol.. don't worry girl, I'm not obsessed about it.. I hope. Naturally, I tend to obsess about petty and not so petty things because of my insecurities which I have loads of, of course. But I have to learn that sometimes, some form of wake up call is required to make me a better person. More than anything right now, I just feel somewhat ashamed for my actions.
There is no denying, however, that the human instinct within me moves to deny that and to make excuses more than not. Among them are that well, that is simply the way that I function.
Is that, however, an worthy excuse? If what I am doing is making someone feel the way they do, is it not an indication that there is room for improvement and change?
In a large way, there is this big inertia within me that refuses to acknowledge that change is indeed what is required at this point of time. I do need many changes in my life to become a better person. Such examples of where the inertia overwhelms the move to change is in me controlling my emotions and temper which indirectly involves me mouthing off curses.
I have simply become a self-absorbed person who sometimes, does things when my mood allows me to. It simply isn't enough.
For now, I do feel remorseful and am ashamed of what I have done or the lack of what should have been done..
Yet, why is there still within me a little voice that refuses for change come into my life?
I feel sometimes that I am running away from reality and the things I do mirror this fact.
Another thing I realise about myself is, I can't seem to just wait, and be patient. I have to have something continuously going on. Take for example
Anyway, just to attempt to complete the 7+1 random facts about myself that you didn't already know (or at least.. I don't think you know about them:P).
Oh well.. I've that off my chest. :) Off to bed I go..
There is no denying, however, that the human instinct within me moves to deny that and to make excuses more than not. Among them are that well, that is simply the way that I function.
Is that, however, an worthy excuse? If what I am doing is making someone feel the way they do, is it not an indication that there is room for improvement and change?
In a large way, there is this big inertia within me that refuses to acknowledge that change is indeed what is required at this point of time. I do need many changes in my life to become a better person. Such examples of where the inertia overwhelms the move to change is in me controlling my emotions and temper which indirectly involves me mouthing off curses.
I have simply become a self-absorbed person who sometimes, does things when my mood allows me to. It simply isn't enough.
For now, I do feel remorseful and am ashamed of what I have done or the lack of what should have been done..
Yet, why is there still within me a little voice that refuses for change come into my life?
I feel sometimes that I am running away from reality and the things I do mirror this fact.
- I take pleasure in indulging myself in the blogs of people whom I do not know.. rather than read blogs belonging to those who are close to me. Only turning an eye upon them occasionally (Random fact no.1.. hey mei! I'm doing part of your tag.. rofl). usually, I read the links that are on my blog as they are there reminding me of their presence. It's not so much that I do not care about my friends. It's just that I think I read those blogs of people unknown to me because I do not know them and they represent sort of an entertainment. It's like... watching a movie over watching a home video? eh...
Another thing I realise about myself is, I can't seem to just wait, and be patient. I have to have something continuously going on. Take for example
- When online, I usually am doing a number of things at one time. While I am chatting to you, I may be (at once) checking my mail, chatting to a number of other people, facebooking, blogging, reading blogs.. all.at.once. (random fact no. 2). I am not talking about this is normal what all people do.. I just simply have to have something to jump from one thing to another because I get annoyed when I have to wait. I usually load a couple of things at once so I can have another ready for me to read once I'm done with one.
- I am constantly trying to maximise full use of my time and it irritates me when I think that something could be done faster and more efficiently (random fact no.3)
Anyway, just to attempt to complete the 7+1 random facts about myself that you didn't already know (or at least.. I don't think you know about them:P).
- I can barely stay awake through long talks.. this includes sermons.. my mind usually does not remain in one place for long.. Even when talking to people sometimes, I may be listening but my eyes would wander somewhere else and suddenly I would interject with a random quotation before returning back to the subject discussed. That's why I dread conferences and seminars... because I have to simply stay awake as it is not very nice being seen sleeping.. which is what I tend to do usually in lectures *snore* (no. 4)
- I have absolutely no idea what to do after my remaining one and a half months of holiday.. I don't exactly have a clue of what kind of job I would like to get myself into..
- I have an extremely imaginative mind that, while lying down in bed and waiting for sleep to come, I will at times end up daydreaming about a possible real-life situation. Sometimes, this 'situation' will seem so believable that I end up bawling my eyes out because more often than not I will imagine some tragic situation la... I should really try and write a book with my imagination.
- I think I should quit writing this because.... I just simply am tired. and hungry.
- I am quite the drama queen...
Oh well.. I've that off my chest. :) Off to bed I go..
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