It feels like a situation of, "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't"...
Discussions with a friend have opened a can of worms.. A situation which I have somewhat successfully repressed and been satisfied with.. Well, at least I think I am satisfied with. Now, I just am not sure at all.. Cause friend has basically got me questioning...
It's a situation of where I have to choose between accepting what I get or fighting for what I THINK I deserve. I suppose I cannot deny that I do, more often than not, hope that I can get more.. that it comes easier. Just slightly more than what I am now getting instead of me always having to, in a way, ask for. It just feels... one sided.
What is normal behaviour and what do I deserve? I just simply don't know and am not sure of..
Sure, it would be nice if I could have more.. if I didn't need to work so hard to make myself feel appeased... to end that deep aching feeling.. but is it necessary? Maybe one can just get by with what one has?
Is it alright to work in a dysfunctional way to make yourself happy.. or is it just a situation in which you are just lying to yourself and denying yourself true happiness?
All these questions are bugging me. As usual, when a can of worms are opened.. it will constantly bug me and I do lose all mood.
So much so that I practically wanted to cry listening to my friend voice his concern over my situation. *le sigh*
Discussions with a friend have opened a can of worms.. A situation which I have somewhat successfully repressed and been satisfied with.. Well, at least I think I am satisfied with. Now, I just am not sure at all.. Cause friend has basically got me questioning...
It's a situation of where I have to choose between accepting what I get or fighting for what I THINK I deserve. I suppose I cannot deny that I do, more often than not, hope that I can get more.. that it comes easier. Just slightly more than what I am now getting instead of me always having to, in a way, ask for. It just feels... one sided.
What is normal behaviour and what do I deserve? I just simply don't know and am not sure of..
Sure, it would be nice if I could have more.. if I didn't need to work so hard to make myself feel appeased... to end that deep aching feeling.. but is it necessary? Maybe one can just get by with what one has?
Is it alright to work in a dysfunctional way to make yourself happy.. or is it just a situation in which you are just lying to yourself and denying yourself true happiness?
All these questions are bugging me. As usual, when a can of worms are opened.. it will constantly bug me and I do lose all mood.
So much so that I practically wanted to cry listening to my friend voice his concern over my situation. *le sigh*
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