Emotions come suddenly.
It's weird.. really.
I think my 'allergies' are gonna come back again. Not looking forward to that.
Talking to Justin.. suddenly I was reminded of the nursing home where my granddad spent his last few weeks at. I suddenly miss him. The funniest thing is. During his funeral, I didn't shed a tear. Suddenly.. the feeling is overwhelming me.
It's been a long year. A very long year indeed. 6 months. It feels like it's been forever, but it really hasn't been. The earth on his grave has probably yet to settle. It takes months.. up to a year. Yet, it already feels like years since I last saw him. It was a relief to see him go. He was suffering. I was never VERY close to my grandparents. SOmetimes, I feel like I'm borderline cold with my grandparents. Which really, kind of sucks. I try. Yet, I still am unable. Well, maybe not cold. Awkward? Awkward's a good word.
I couldn't bring myself to hold his hand when he was lying in the hospital bed. I felt uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Just only knew how to stand there. That's as much support as I knew what to give. To be there. Why? I don't know. I just don't know. It just felt so.. awkward. I felt hopeless but still couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. Yes. HOpeless would be the word to describe this grandchild.
Who knows? Maybe if you are a typical chinese and believe in the 7th month. Maybe granddad's spirit is here with me. That's why I'm thinking about him. Who knows? Maybe a superbly delayed reaction. 6 months on.. the tears have finally come to be shed.
Earlier I was thinking about how long this year feels.. It's passing me by in a blur. Real fast and me not able to capture anything in detail. I cannot remember much from the beginning of the year. My 21st celebration feels like it happened in another era. I don't know. I get this feeling where time's passing by really fast, but it feels like forever since I did something. Maybe it's because of the AMOUNT of things happening in that short span of time. Makes it feel like it's been a long time when really, it was just a short period of time with plenty of things happening in it.
I'm blabbering. I really should be doing my work.
I think my 'allergies' are gonna come back again. Not looking forward to that.
Talking to Justin.. suddenly I was reminded of the nursing home where my granddad spent his last few weeks at. I suddenly miss him. The funniest thing is. During his funeral, I didn't shed a tear. Suddenly.. the feeling is overwhelming me.
It's been a long year. A very long year indeed. 6 months. It feels like it's been forever, but it really hasn't been. The earth on his grave has probably yet to settle. It takes months.. up to a year. Yet, it already feels like years since I last saw him. It was a relief to see him go. He was suffering. I was never VERY close to my grandparents. SOmetimes, I feel like I'm borderline cold with my grandparents. Which really, kind of sucks. I try. Yet, I still am unable. Well, maybe not cold. Awkward? Awkward's a good word.
I couldn't bring myself to hold his hand when he was lying in the hospital bed. I felt uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Just only knew how to stand there. That's as much support as I knew what to give. To be there. Why? I don't know. I just don't know. It just felt so.. awkward. I felt hopeless but still couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. Yes. HOpeless would be the word to describe this grandchild.
Who knows? Maybe if you are a typical chinese and believe in the 7th month. Maybe granddad's spirit is here with me. That's why I'm thinking about him. Who knows? Maybe a superbly delayed reaction. 6 months on.. the tears have finally come to be shed.
Earlier I was thinking about how long this year feels.. It's passing me by in a blur. Real fast and me not able to capture anything in detail. I cannot remember much from the beginning of the year. My 21st celebration feels like it happened in another era. I don't know. I get this feeling where time's passing by really fast, but it feels like forever since I did something. Maybe it's because of the AMOUNT of things happening in that short span of time. Makes it feel like it's been a long time when really, it was just a short period of time with plenty of things happening in it.
I'm blabbering. I really should be doing my work.
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