Jazz on a quiet night in.
I did feel like taking the car out just for a spin. That didn't pan out. I'm feeling very exhausted now. Like I have no energy.
Parquet floor.. me lying on it.. blank mind. Thinking about "nothing".. and "nothing" hurts.
Maybe I expect too much of some ppl. Expecting what I myself don't give. Although.. I seem to get really upset and frustrated when I don't get what I expect. I will endeavour to change. So, I expect the same response I suppose.
Maybe it's because I feel that the source of the problem is me which if not solved immediately will grow into something more. What if you let it slip this once.. then it comes back again. Then we'd be facing the same problem with me not knowing what's wrong and me not knowing that I have to change. What if that's the case?
What's the point of me being your someone special when I can't even be of any help. I'm sorry. I try really hard to be understanding. I just can't understand it I suppose. It just bothers me.
When I feel like crap, I try really hard to avoid the same feeling again. Meaning. I don't want the same thing to happen twice. So, when it happens again and again. I start getting really frustrated.
I am not making any sense. I'm just frustrated and unhappy.
It feels like I have plenty to say. Yet, the words can't seem to flow. Maybe once I start, it will all come.
I should keep myself happy and not let things affect me but why does it just affect me anyway? It's absolutely nothing. NOTHING.. honestly.. THere was nothing.. Is it because I care? Or what? I don't understand the human psychology.
There are things I know I should do.. yet practising what you preach is really hard sometimes. I just need to care less. I know that sentence is oh so familiar. I should just let things slip. It is possible that I take things too seriously.. that it ends up affecting me. I know I know I KNOW! I know I need to have understanding.. patience and what not. I know that I should just let things lie sometimes and it will end up okay. Still.. why do I feel so upset. I just let things affect me so much. How does one make herself care less. HOw do I become more icy and unfeeling? How is it am I going to make myself just focus on other things and not on the negative. I just want to crawl out of this. It's so difficult to be me sometimes because I just complicate things. From nothing.. it ends up becoming too crazy. *sighs*
ARGH.
Okay. Bed time. I don't care if it's only 11.00pm. I'm THAT frustrated.
post-edit: okay.. there's gonna be a bit of this here and there cuz i'm typing as I think of something.. the question is. Why is it that people are so PICKY about how they talk. I mean, if you have no choice, isn't what you have sufficient? Why be picky about something when you have no choice? Why not take whatever you have and be thankful for it? I'm doing the best that I can already. Why can't you accept it?
It's so awfully difficult when you try SO hard for NOTHING. It's SO damn bloody frustrating. Why is it that people cannot just take what's given and be thankful for it! It totally annoys me. hOnestly!
Also, distance can be difficult. Granted. one week of this and already like this ke? It's always when I'm away that something always has to happen. Bad experience already man-.-". There.. that's all for now.. I'll see if I think of anything else after watching "Heroes". hopefully they can be played by my other media players cause I've pretty much given up on the windows media player. Sigh.
I did feel like taking the car out just for a spin. That didn't pan out. I'm feeling very exhausted now. Like I have no energy.
Parquet floor.. me lying on it.. blank mind. Thinking about "nothing".. and "nothing" hurts.
Maybe I expect too much of some ppl. Expecting what I myself don't give. Although.. I seem to get really upset and frustrated when I don't get what I expect. I will endeavour to change. So, I expect the same response I suppose.
Maybe it's because I feel that the source of the problem is me which if not solved immediately will grow into something more. What if you let it slip this once.. then it comes back again. Then we'd be facing the same problem with me not knowing what's wrong and me not knowing that I have to change. What if that's the case?
What's the point of me being your someone special when I can't even be of any help. I'm sorry. I try really hard to be understanding. I just can't understand it I suppose. It just bothers me.
When I feel like crap, I try really hard to avoid the same feeling again. Meaning. I don't want the same thing to happen twice. So, when it happens again and again. I start getting really frustrated.
I am not making any sense. I'm just frustrated and unhappy.
It feels like I have plenty to say. Yet, the words can't seem to flow. Maybe once I start, it will all come.
I should keep myself happy and not let things affect me but why does it just affect me anyway? It's absolutely nothing. NOTHING.. honestly.. THere was nothing.. Is it because I care? Or what? I don't understand the human psychology.
There are things I know I should do.. yet practising what you preach is really hard sometimes. I just need to care less. I know that sentence is oh so familiar. I should just let things slip. It is possible that I take things too seriously.. that it ends up affecting me. I know I know I KNOW! I know I need to have understanding.. patience and what not. I know that I should just let things lie sometimes and it will end up okay. Still.. why do I feel so upset. I just let things affect me so much. How does one make herself care less. HOw do I become more icy and unfeeling? How is it am I going to make myself just focus on other things and not on the negative. I just want to crawl out of this. It's so difficult to be me sometimes because I just complicate things. From nothing.. it ends up becoming too crazy. *sighs*
ARGH.
Okay. Bed time. I don't care if it's only 11.00pm. I'm THAT frustrated.
post-edit: okay.. there's gonna be a bit of this here and there cuz i'm typing as I think of something.. the question is. Why is it that people are so PICKY about how they talk. I mean, if you have no choice, isn't what you have sufficient? Why be picky about something when you have no choice? Why not take whatever you have and be thankful for it? I'm doing the best that I can already. Why can't you accept it?
It's so awfully difficult when you try SO hard for NOTHING. It's SO damn bloody frustrating. Why is it that people cannot just take what's given and be thankful for it! It totally annoys me. hOnestly!
Also, distance can be difficult. Granted. one week of this and already like this ke? It's always when I'm away that something always has to happen. Bad experience already man-.-". There.. that's all for now.. I'll see if I think of anything else after watching "Heroes". hopefully they can be played by my other media players cause I've pretty much given up on the windows media player. Sigh.
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